Unoffendable

I couldn’t believe it, in four months I’d be walking down that aisle to meet my husband!  I was excited and ready to say the biggest “yes” of my life. Little did I know, the man that I was ready to marry was opening up his heart to old hurts and habits that would eventually cause us to call the wedding off. Hurt, broken and so embarrassed, I asked the Lord and my friends to help me through the following days and weeks, as I prepared to let the world know (it felt like the whole world lol) that the wedding was no longer happening and I was officially single again. I couldn’t believe it.

One evening, I was with a friend from church and she offered to help me put away all the wedding stuff I had purchased whenever I was emotionally ready to start that process. Just imagine, I had everything for the wedding ready to go and  had to deal with the stacks of bins in my room now that  the wedding was off. I felt so loved that she offered to be a moral support during one of the hardest break-ups of my life.

A few weeks later, I found out that that same girl, my ministry friend, was actually dating my ex-fiance behind my back. Yes, you read that right. I couldn’t believe what I had heard. Even after seeing it with my own eyes, as I saw him driving her car as she was sitting in the passenger seat on day, I still couldn’t believe it. I won’t tell you what I really wanted to do at the moment I first heard the news! My ex-fiance hadn’t even waited a month or two to start dating this chick that I served in ministry with and she actually had the nerve to “help” me. I was blown away.

Years later, I heard someone share that we could live an unoffendable life. “Wait…live unoffendable?!” Ha, yeah right. There is no way that is possible as long as we are living here on this earth”, I thought.. Your ministry partner starts dating your ex-fiance a month after your break up with him and you’re telling me I’m not supposed to be offended? Nope…no way. But, as I look back, Holy Spirit did help me deal with my offense pretty early on. Again, I’m so thankful for Him.  I also took time to look deeper into that thought. The statement did not mean that we wouldn’t be let down, experience disappointments, or feel disrespected by someone. It never meant that we wouldn’t be hurt by the very friends we trust with our lives. HOWEVER, it does mean that when we know who we are in Christ, we truly have the ability and right to not connect with offense when those things happen.

I learned that living offended is a CHOICE.

I am super passionate about this topic because I have experienced my own hurts and have made it through it without leaving ministry or my church, and I have continued to love Jesus in the midst of it all. I’m not sharing this to toot my own horn, but to share how it is truly possible to live unoffended. I have watched too many of my friends and loved ones grow offended and walk away from relationships, church and even God. My heart has been grieved by that over and over again. It’s super hard to watch someone you love agree with offense and allow it to take them downhill in life. I have seen marriages fall apart because of people walking in offense with someone else (not even their own spouse). I’ve also seen others become emotionally, mentally and physically sick because of deep-rooted offense. I have counseled people in this area for the last 13 years of my life. Undealt with offenses and resentments get people sick and keep people sick. Despite this, I have found that many times as I’ve tried to talk to offended people, they don’t appear to want to come out of that place. That sucks! It grieves my heart, the heart of those  around them, and it definitely grieves The Father.

Hurt is real — so, so real. I don’t know any human that has not experienced hurt or betrayal of some sort. So, let me take you back to my personal story. I was only reminded of this story because I keep my journals and right before I moved to my new house, I sat down and read through my 2004 journal and just cried. I cried out of gratitude that I have Holy Spirit. I didn’t even remember how I had dealt with that situation. Anyways, let me tell you what happened. When I heard about this girl, a day or two after being very angry with her, Holy Spirit showed me her brokenness. He showed me that not only was she broken, but my ex was broken and they connected from that place. My heart turned from anger to empathy and compassion. As I read my journal, I was reminded that after two Sundays I actually waited outside for her at the church and when she came up the steps, she was trying to avoid eye contact with me. I hugged her and told her I forgave her. She hadn’t even asked for forgiveness. That almost made me look crazy, but I didn’t care. I needed to hold onto my freedom and I refused to allow myself to stay angry or bitter. I love my freedom too much.

It’s crazy, after that moment, she left the church and I never saw her again. I found out a few weeks later that they broke up and each went in their own direction. She didn’t leave because I cussed her out or wanted to fight her. I really think she left because she didn’t know how to receive unconditional love. Instead of treating her like an enemy, I treated her the way God wanted me to. I believe that later down the line, that ministered to her soul. I also believe that in forgiving her, my restoration truly began.

I know we all have been betrayed, at least once. We have all been talked about, been talked down to and DEFINITELY been disappointed by people we love. But in all reality, those things are a part of being human. Things happen when we get close to people. I mean, my own mother has hurt me, but I have also hurt her. My brother has hurt me, and I have done things to hurt him. I have unintentionally said things, forgotten things, etc. that have hurt people I love. Why would I expect otherwise from people who haven’t reached perfection? Even more,I refuse to allow those things to put offense aka A FENCE, in between me and my relationship with people I love. Even more importantly, I refuse to allow them to put a fence between me and my relationship with Jesus.

The Bible warns us in Matthew 24:10 that in the last days, “Many will be offended, betray one another, and hate one another.” So, don’t be surprise when this comes up in your life. Instead, allow it  to be a moment to allow Holy Spirit to guide you—He is really awesome at that! I write this post from a place of love and knowing that living a life free from offense is true freedom. Remember, its OUR choice.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this post! I pray it has encouraged you!