The Church Body has been in a transition season, Praise God, I feel like as a church whole and here at ITLM Philly, we are finally touching ground. From being in a boat in the ocean, the waves have taken us for quite a journey. 
Well in this post, I want to share a bit about my past few months and share the four main things I needed to get through the journey without falling apart.
I remember going into February, my birthday month, feeling so hype about age 35. I was excited and ready for the goodness that was going to come. Little did I know, the hardest months were around the corner. Right after, I began to feel things changing, I started feeling off, weird. During the season, that was the best way to describe it. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. I felt so vulnerable and I remember telling a few people I wanted a blanket to cover me.
I felt weak, so so weak. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I felt like all that I knew the last 34 years of life was ripped from me. The strong Evelyn that everyone had known me to be was far from strong. My insides, uhhh, they felt pulled in so many directions. I wasn’t depressed, but I cried more from February till May than I had in 2015 as a whole. I knew God was doing something; although, I couldn’t stand the process. I knew not to give up or give in to my soul leading me.
I’m thankful to God that I have made it through that season. Although I can’t see very far in front of me, right at this moment, I’m at peace. I have many questions that haven’t been answered, but my hope and faith in Jesus is ridiculous. I love Him, Oh how I love him.
Nothing physically has changed around me…I haven’t moved, I haven’t gotten a new job, I’m not in a new relationship etc, but I know I have changed. (I am contending for some of those things of course.) But, my outlook has changed, my perception has changed, and my heart feels safe. I’m hungry for more of Jesus and I’m so thankful I didn’t give in to my flesh.
Here are a 3 things I wanted to share that got me through:
1Share Share Share
Although I had many moments I felt alone, I still realized I could not keep what was going on to myself. I sent emails out, called people, sent text messages and defiantly shared some tough face-to-face moments with some key people in my life. Don’t let shame shut your mouth!
2) Stand on promises and prophetic words
Listen, when you feel doubtful, discouraged and hope is running short, pick promises from God’s Word and declare them out loud. I also went back to prophetic words that were spoken over my life. I know God does not lie and He completes the work He has started in our lives. Stand on that truth.
3) Remember the process isn’t just about you.
I realized several times that I wasn’t the only one going through this. As a church leader, I go through things that my Pastors are going through or even at times, I help so our pastors don’t get hit as hard. Also, this wasn’t just what ITLM was going through, but as I read prophetic words for our nation, I realized the Bride as a whole was in transition. This helped me stay away from self-pity and feeling like a victim. This isn’t just about me!
4) Be Honest with God
Listen, I was so honest and raw with God. I remember talking to God and my tears just fell as I shared about how I felt. I felt so much like David in those moments. I would be so honest, but it was crucial that I ended with truth. My spirit needed to take over my soul, will and emotions. At times I just journaled my prayers and it helped so much. I’m so ready for more revelation and understanding of this last season of life and look forward to continue moving forward. It’s been good to look back and see that my season was not provoked from living in sin or from walking away from the Lord. I’m confident that things inside of me were shifting and I welcome that with open arms. Hallelujah!
Anyways, because I know I wasn’t the only one, please share if you can relate or share on what you see for this next season. July 2016 is going to be crucial! Can’t wait!
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
–Numbers 23:19
Be encouraged!
Glory, Grub & Grind 
Evelyn, as I read this I realized you described exactly what I am going through in this season. There were so many times where I felt like I didn’t fit into certain groups. That I am not cut out to do specific things and the list goes on (of course those are lies that I don’t submit to).
I feel God is taking me to a different place. I can’t pin point what’s going on inside me but it feels different. What I do know is that He is awaken artistic desires in me that I had suppressed since a child. My heart is not detached from the Lord or I’m not backslidden in my heart I just feel different. I can’t put into word all I know is that He is rooting out the old “weeds” before my next season.
He is teaching me to speak less and listen more, I feel He is trying to take me back to where I was that humble young lady I was before life starting happening to me in a fast pace. I look at my daughter and she doesn’t even realize how, by just being her, she is ministering to me. God is showing me who I once was and wants to take me back to that place of submission, gentleness, humbleness, and quiet spirited and at the same time taking me to a different place that involves the gifts he’s given me in an artistic fashion.
There is so much that I feel is happening to me inside but I don’t know what it is. All I can say is that I will allow God to minister to me, change me, shift me and love me as I continue to submit to where He is taking me.
I appreciate your transparency and I am glad I am not alone in this. I love you!
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